It is okay to ask for your needs to be met.
Repeat that out loud three times for me. Why? It really hit me that we, really have trouble asking for our needs to be met. I just got back from a wonderful convention with 27,500 people put on by my favorite brand of essential oil.* I was lucky enough to have thirtyish people from my team join me and we had a great time. Plus I got to connect with many of my friends that I only get to see once or twice a year. Simply amazing, inspiring and uplifting!
As you can imagine getting rooms in the same hotel with quick and easy access was a bit of a juggle. Plus we had people that wanted roommates to cut costs so there were some people that were rooming with people they either didn’t know at all or spent little time with. I’m fond of saying that you really never know someone until you live or work with them and so when you room with them you discover their habits might be different than your own.
So there was this underlying trend that happened. I’d have people comment that their roommate had a different sleep schedule, or the restaurant chosen didn’t have a vegan option or someone was always late. I always answered with… did you tell them what you needed? And the answer was always ‘no’. It really got me thinking. Why is it so hard to ask for our needs to be met? If you think about it in the situations above, people would try and be accommodating, because no one wants to be perceived as an insensitive jerk.
This may just be a “woman thing” or a “sensitive person thing” so if you are a guy reading this and sitting there confused and think I’ve lost my mind… I thought I’d share a little story with you about my husband and I when we were newly married. On a trip we went to see Jeff Foxworthy, the redneck comedian, and I laughed till I cried. Part of his routine was about what men really think about.
As with most new marriages we went through an ‘adjustment period’. Finally in desperation my poor husband sat me down and said. “Remember when we went to see Jeff Foxworthy and he talked about what men really want? How he was up on stage and said that women are complex and men are simple creatures? How all a man really wants is a beer and to see something naked? ” Well it was funny, but it is also true. He went on to say, ” I need you to accept that I don’t read minds. I will never intuitively know what you want or need. I will not pick up on hints. Be direct. If you want or need something, just tell me what it is. I can’t promise you that it will always happen, but I can promise you that I’ll always listen and you’ll know why if I can’t do something for you, because I do want you to be happy.”
I can’t say that it sunk in immediately and life was suddenly perfect. It took a lot of work and practice to get to the point where I’d just tell him what I needed and the truth is, it was so much less painful than trying to get him to figure it out on his own. But that was only the first step. The second step is to apply that to the rest of your life. Start asking for what you need. It is okay to ask for your needs to be met. Click To Tweet It doesn’t mean that they’ll always be met, but asking is the perfect tool to prevent resentment and misunderstandings. It will help bring peace in your life and the more you do it, the more you’ll feel good about just being you.
I’m not saying it will be easy at first and if you want a little help… take a drop of Bergamot and inhale it deeply. Maybe mix a little with some Fractionated Coconut Oil and put on your wrists or put a drop or two on your clothes next to your face. For me Bergamot smells a little like lime, just softer, not as sweet and with a hint of baby power. When I smell it, I feel like I’ve been wrapped in a blanket warm from the dryer. Bergamot is the ‘feel good in your own skin oil’ and who doesn’t need more of that? For those that need a little bit more… try my Brave Blend
For those not fortunate enough to have enjoyed Jeff Foxworthy, here is the video (but I don’t recommend watching it if you are at work because I know you’ll laugh).
Video Link: Totally Committed by Jeff Foxworthy
* The brand of essential oil I prefer does not allow it’s brand and trademarks outside of their website. Just contact me and I’m happy to share.